Compose and composite.
That has been my work philosophy for a prolonged time, and it's hard not doing so. I cannot wait to get back to being the bee, the queen bee I choose to be. I like buzzing around, I like doing work. I can complain about it, but I am pretty much empty without labor.
My winter break is fast approaching its end. I have lost all creativity, all sense of self. I feel somewhat depleted. So this is what life truly feels like.
Sorry for the pessimism. There are so many things going on, so many things...yet, I am completely helpless at giving a helping hand. I try, I honestly do. But there comes a moment when you realize that your involvement is futile. That's when you have to go back to your own life. Routine exists because we otherwise have no aims or goals.
I did help today, I honestly did. I feel good, really good, about that. In a few moments I will hit the garage to continue on a work I need done by the end of my break. I'm just milling about until then. My back hurts. I need to diet. I need to exercise (which will be near impossible this coming semester). I guess dieting will have to be it with absolutely NO bus rides. This past semester, my bus rides rivaled the fingers on my left hand. I like walking and it kept me from ballooning because of my bad habits.
I will miss my mom, my dad...my family. But that's here and I'm there. We cannot hold on to lives that no longer exist. I am not here. I am there. A visit is good, but it's hard detaching oneself from those we deeply love.
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